Christmas Track List: A Christmas Carol
by JudeDeluca
Summary: A Track List special. Come listen as the Lois Lane of Earth-2 recalls how Superman X was put on a quest to get the Christmas spirit, before it kills him. Guest starring Superboy, Superboy, and Superboy.
1. Hah, bumbug!

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes or a Christmas Carol

* * *

A black space. We open to a woman, her black hair streaked with gray. She seems familiar to some of us. Because…

"Hello. My name is Lois Lane. Before I begin, there is something you should know about me. I'm dead."

"I'm not the Lois you know. I came from a world most people called Earth-2. I was a reporter who joined the Daily Star sometime during the 1930s. I was young, headstrong, determined to get the truth out. It was my duty. And then I met a reporter from a town in Smallville called Clark Kent. Then, I met the Last Son of a planet called Krypton, Superman. I always suspected they were one in the same, but I didn't expect I would be marrying him. I loved my husband dearly, and we had so many wonderful years together. We and our friends, and his cousin from Krypton, Kara, you might know her as Power Girl."

"But then the Crisis on Infinite Earths happened. Our Earth, and all our friends were destroyed. Wiped out or reborn without any memory of us. I survived, and so did Clark, along with Alexander Luthor Jr. and the Superboy of Earth-Prime. Kara, whom we treated like our daughter, fell through the cracks, and survived on the new, amalgamated Earth. For years my husband and I lived in a paradise dimension, until things started to go wrong. Very wrong. And my health began to deteriorate. My husband had been convinced by Alexander that staying in our dimension was the cause, and that the only way to save me was to bring back Earth-2 and replace the Earth that existed. Alexander succeeded, but I died anyway. And more people died because of Alexander and Superboy, including Clark. But I'm not mad, because we're still together. I was grateful for the time we had when we were alive, and I'm happier now that we're together always."

"Christmas was always a time of year my husband and I enjoyed. This story is a retelling of a classic by Charles Dickens, and it stars a young man who really needs to get into the Christmas spirit. Please join me and Kell-El as he stars in…"

****

A Christmas Carol

The raucous and the laughter. The merriment and the yuletide cheer being spread throughout the base. It was keeping someone up.

"What the hell are they doing? I'm trying to sleep!" Kell-El, a.k.a. Superman X moaned.

KNOCK-KNOCK.

"Go away!" Kell yelled.

"Aw come on, Kell. Open up." The intruder asked. It was Lightning Lad.

"No!"

"You said no?" Garth asked through the door.

"Yes!"

"Okay." Garth replied, and came in. He had on a Santa hat and his face was covered in lipstick marks.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" Kell moaned in his bed.

"It's 8:00 on Christmas Eve."

"Exactly. I need my beauty sleep." Kell pulled the covers over his head.

"You need a lot of beauty sleep." Garth muttered.

"What?"

"What? Anyway, come on. The guys want you at the party."

"Ugh. Party, party, party. Ever since this stupid month started it's been nothing but partying and good cheer and Christmas cookies…"

"Kell."

"With the caroling and the roasted beast and the flim flanglers…"

"Kell."

"And the zoop zooplers…!"

"Kell!"

"And the clang clangers!"

"Kell!"

"And the noise, NOISE, NOISE!"

"KELL!"

"What?!"

"Use real words." Garth told him step-bys-step. Kell glared.

"What is that?" He asked, motioning to the little plant in Garth's hands. Garth raised it up into the light.

"This? It's for the Mistletoe Game." Garth explained.

"Mistletoe Game?"

"You go around holding it over people and seeing how many people you can kiss. I've got about 12." Garth motioned to the lipstick covering his face.

"I don't think your girlfriend would like that." Kell said.

"Are you kidding it was her idea!" Garth told him.

"And I thought Saturn Girl was the only one of you who had common sense about this whole Christmas crap."

"When they cloned you, they forgot to put in the whole Christmas spirit and childhood wonder, didn't they?" Garth asked.

"I guess."

"You should be careful, Kell. This is the time of year when bad things happen to people who don't have Christmas spirit." Garth warned.

"Oh so all of a sudden people have to have the spirit or what, they get fitted for a pair of cement shoes or something?" Kell mockingly asked.

"The holidays are a time of year when people decide to put aside their differences and celebrate something they all believe in. You don't believe in anything, then that's just sad." Garth lectured

"Touching. Now go." Kell pointed to the door.

"Don't I get a Christmas kiss?" Garth joked, holding the mistletoe over Kell's head.

"OUT!"

And like that Garth got thrown out in a puff of super-breath.

"SuperScrooge-X." Garth muttered before going off to join the party.

…

8:30

KNOCK-KNOCK.

"Not again." Kell moaned. "What?!"

"Kell? It's me."

The doors opened. It was Clark.

"What do you want?" Kell groaned.

"I guess the Christmas bug didn't bite you, huh?" Clark joked.

"I'm immune to Christmas bugs." Kell replied.

"No one's immune to Christmas, Kell." Clark told him.

"I am." Kell muttered. Clark sighed, hoping to bring in some Christmas cheer.

"Well, I wanted to tell you that I'm going back to my time for Christmas dinner."

"Goodie for you."

"Ma and Pa offered you an invitation." Clark told him.

"Really?" Kell's eyes twinkled. "And I, I bet you're going to have roast turkey, huh?"

"Yep."

"With stuffing, and mashed potatoes, with gravy and cranberry sauce."

"Uh-huh."

"Oh, and you'll probably have corn bread too. And candied yams."

"Maybe."

"And for dessert there'll probably be pumpkin and apple pie."

"You could have both if you want."

"And then, after dinner, we'd exchange gifts. Right?"

"Right." Clark finally said.

"NO THANKS!" Kell screamed, and kicked Clark out just like Garth. Clark got up, fixed his cape, and looked at the door to his clone's room with melancholy and x-ray vision in his eyes.

"Okay, so I'll just put your present under the tree, then." Clark said before waving.

"Hah bumbug!" Kell yelled, and went back to sleep.

…

9:00

He finally nodded off, until he felt a finger poking at him.

"Nyah." He said in his sleep.

"Kell." The voice said.

Kell squinted his eyes. He heard the sound of chains rattling. That woke him up.

"Oh for the love of…" Kell sat up. He stopped halfway.

He had to be dreaming. He couldn't be seeing this. It was a ghostly figure, floating off the floor, translucent and green

"Boo."

Kell shot up out of bed when he saw the intruder.

"Imperiex!"

"Surprised to see me?" The apparition of his sworn enemy asked.

"What are you doing here?! This is impossible. You're-"

"Dead? Yes, it seems I am. No thanks to the Coluan bastard." He mumbled.

"What? You've come back to haunt me now?!" Kell screamed.

"Don't flatter yourself." Imperiex told him. "I'm here to give you a message."

"Oh please." Kell told him, his hands glowing. "You think I'll believe any of your tripe?"

"I honestly don't care what you think. I have five other gigs tonight." Imperiex told him.

"What?"

"They've got me doing hauntings. It's either this or getting locked in a room with, *shudders*, girl scouts." That was hell for him.

"Someone actually gave you a break?" Kell raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah yeah, life's full of surprises. Now shut up and listen. You're going to get visited again, by three other ghosts. They're going to teach you the error of your ways."

"What errors?" Kell asked with a haughty voice.

"Exactly. You either learn to like Christmas…"

"Or?"

"I'll save you a seat at the next union meeting."

"Oh this is stupid." Kell complained. "I'm going back to sleep, and then I'm going to talk to Timber Wolf about whatever the hell he put in that quiche I ate."

"Would you shut up for five seconds?! I'm trying to he-"

KZZT!

He was encased in crystal.

"Finally." Kell sighed. I can-

"Ghost, remember?" Imperiex phased right through.

"Now look, I don't like you and you don't like me. But someone up there feels sorry for you, so take this chance when you can and be grateful!"

"Go suck mistletoe." Kell objectively told him, and Imperiex was gone.

"I hate Christmas." Kell muttered as he dozed back to sleep.


	2. Superboy of Christmas Past

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion

* * *

10:00

Kell woke up screaming.

"AAHHH!!"

"Whoa, whoa! Calm down!"

Kell was breathing hard and a cold sweat worked it's way across his brow.

"Bad dream?"

"Y-yeah!" Kell gasped.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Well, I had just saved the universe for about the 50th time, and then Brainy comes in all dressed in leather, and he's got this whip, and…"

Kell trailed off when he saw who he was talking to.

"Yeah?" The boy asked.

"S-Superman?" Kell stuttered. No, it couldn't be Superman. This boy, he was much too young. Probably about thirteen. But he looked almost exactly like him. Same black hair, same clean cut smile, same symbol of Krypton on his chest.

"Superman?" The boy asked. "No, I'm too young to call myself Superman. I'm Superboy!" He proudly stated. Superboy? Okay, there was a Supergirl, but Kell didn't remember any Superboy.

"Or, you can just call me the Ghost of Christmas Past."

"Ghost of-oh sprock." Kell muttered. "This again." He groaned and went back under the covers.

"Come on, get up." The Ghost, or better yet, Superboy of Christmas Past said. "We've got a long trip to make."

"No, _you_ can go sprock yourself. I am going to shake off whatever delusions I've been suffering thanks to inadequate French cuisine made by a werewolf with father issues, and an allergy to Christ-sprocking-mas." Kell said under the covers. Superboy shook his head.

"Now now." He said, and burned the covers off the bed with his heat vision.

"Time to get up!" He pulled Kell by his ankles and held him up to his face as he floated in the air. He squeezed.

"Ow!" Kell yelped. That hurt. Waitaminute, that hurt!

"Now we're off through the window so I can show you the error of your ways based on the Christmases of your past." Superboy explained.

"I don't have a window!" Kell exclaimed.

"Well we're gonna have to make due then. Up, up-"

"Wait! I'm not-"

"AND AWAY!!!"

ZOOM! It happened so fast Kell didn't know what happened. One second he was in his room being held by his feet by a prepubescent powerhouse, the next he was staring straight down at New Metropolis, still be helding by the Superboy of Christmas Past.

"Are you crazy?!" Kell screamed. Superboy didn't notice. He was too busy scanning the night skyline with his x-ray vision, looking for something until…

"A-ha! There it is!"

"There what is you lunatiiiiiiii-"

Kell screamed again as Superboy flew at the speed of light to his destination. Finally, they reached an underground laboratory.

"-c!!"

"You can stop screaming." Superboy said. "We're here."

Kell fell on his butt.

"Ow!" Kell rubbed the bruise forming on his heinie. "How the hell could you hurt me?!"

"We needed you one-hundred percent human for this. We figured it would've just gotten boring if you kept trying to punch your way out of this." Superboy explained.

"We?! Who's 'we'?!"

"Shh! You're being very rude. Can't you see there are other people in the room?" Superboy told him. Kell turned his head. He couldn't believe where he was, or who was there.

"K3NT!"

Yes, it was his creators. The robot being called K3NT. Half-male, half-female personalities inhabiting a robotic body which, Cham described, looked like a lava lamp.

"It's me! Superm-" He tried to run up to them, but K3NT just walked right past him. No, that wasn't right. They walked THROUGH him.

"They can't see or hear us, Kell." Superboy explained. "This time, this place, K3NT, these are just the leftovers of when this all really happened. Shadows if you will."

Kell looked horrified, before he slowly walked up to K3NT, and felt his hand go through them.

"They can't sense me at all?" Kell asked.

"Nope. Sorry. Even if this wasn't the past, my powers make it impossible for you to do anything to get their attention." Superboy apologized. Kell backed up next to him and watched what K3NT was doing.

"This is the lab where I was created." Kell said.

"You mean born." Superboy corrected.

"People are born. I was created." Kell replied. Superboy rolled his eyes.

"Just watch."

"He must be strong." The Male Half said.

"Fearless." The Female Half replied.

"Powerful." Male Half.

"Indestrucible." Female Half.

"Unstoppable." Male Half.

"He must be a symbol." Female Half.

"A symbol?!" The Male Half yelled. "The people don't need a symbol! They need a weapon of mass destruction!"

"The people need a symbol now more then ever." The Female Half explained. "Ever since this Imperiex rose out of the masses of Lowlies on Apokolips, he has done nothing but wipe out almost every symbol of hope and freedom in the known free galaxy."

"Hmph. The man should've been in the Sinestro Corps." The Male Half joked. "But we have no need for a symbol. Symbols are meant to inspire and create. What we are creating is only meant to destroy and fight. What kind of symbol would that be?"

"Thanks, dad." Kell muttered.

"Shh!" Superboy shushed him.

"Either way, he is meant to rise up and inspire the people whom Imperiex has been attempting to destroy, to encourage them to fight back." The Female Half rationalized. "Even if he is to destroy, it is so we can have a chance to create again. Especially on this day of all days." She turned to the computer, where the date was shown. December 25th. There was hiss! And they saw something open. A tube. A large tub. And inside was a baby boy.

"From Superman born, shall Superman once be again." The Female Half concluded.

"With a few modifications." The Male Half added.

"He may be a weapon, but he is still a living thing." The Female Half explained. "He is still a boy."

"We need a man." The Male Half said.

"He will be a man. And he will make the world a better place." The Female Half said.

"Even if the ends justify the means?" The Male Half asked.

"Imperiex has no soul. Killing him would be like a stepping on a bug." The Female Half rationalized.

"Fine then. He will be a symbol." The Male Half decided.

"He will be our boy." They said together.

Kell felt something tug at his heart strings.

"You see? Even your parents wanted to feel something at this time."

"Whatever." Kell muttered. Superboy sighed.

"Come on." Superboy tugged at Kell's tank top and tossed him through the wall. Kell rolled on his back, looked up, and saw they were in the bunker.

"Hey. This is-" Kell started.

"The Christmas you had when you were three." Superboy walked in through the hole. There were children running around, huddled with their parents, sleeping, crying, as the sound of quiet went on.

"Is that you?" Superboy asked while pointing to a little boy with green eyes and black hair.

"No, that's me." Kell pointed to himself, standing with K3NT. He was fully grown.

"Pretty big three year old." Superboy muttered

"Shut up."

The two got up closer to his past self and K3NT. This was really creepy. You ever had an out-of-body experience, where you saw someone talking and realized this all happened, and that the person talking was you?

"I just don't understand what the big deal is." Kell said to his parents.

"This is a very important to most of the people of Earth." The Female Half said.

"A great man was born on this day." The Male Half explained. "A man whom everyone looked up to as a symbol. Like you."

"A symbol like you." The Female Half explained.

"Yeah, yeah, I read all about it. Nice little fairy tale. Hate to spoil the ending but everyone dies." Kell waved it off as they walked through the bunker.

"You forgot to download his religion matrix, didn't you?" The Male Half accused his other half.

"I thought you did." The Female Half conjectured.

"I should be out fighting Imperiex, not wallowing around in this pathetic-"

"Superman?"

Past Kell stopped. Something was tugging at his leg. He looked down. It was little boy. A Xennian, with blue skin and big, big eyes.

"Uh, yes? What can I… do, for you?" Past Kell asked hesitantly. He had about as much experience with kids back then as he did now.

"Here. Merry Christmas." The little boy said. He handed Kell a picture, hand drawn. It was of him, the boy's parents, and Kell in front of a Christmas tree.

"Uh, thanks." Past Kell said, surprised and somewhat moved by the gesture.

"You see Kell?" Superboy asked.

"Keep watching." Kell muttered.

All of a sudden, the bunker shook violently. Past Kell used his x-ray vision and said-

"Oh no."

BOOM!

Imperiex's soldiers burst in, firing their weapons and attempting to take prisoners. Past Kell got into battle mode, and Kell tried to go in before being stopped by Superboy.

"This already happened Kell. You can't change it."

And he was forced to watch it over again. Past Kell did his best, stopping some of the robot soldiers, when he heard a cry for help signaled out while trying to help a group of soldiers. He used his x-ray vision again. The boy's mother, trapped under rubble, and-

"NO!" Past Kell screamed charged out. He removed the rubble and tried to help her, when of the stronger soldiers charged at Past Kell and fired at him. The projectiles bounced off and back at him. From behind, a soldier tried to kill the woman. She cowered.

KZZT!

She looked up, he had been encased in faux Kryptonite.

"Get out of here! Hurry!" Past Kell ordered. The woman ran off with the others, her family waiting for her, as Past Kell went on to take out the rest of Imperiex's forces. Until he saw the bloody mess in the other room. He stopped. The twenty he left to help the woman. They were butchered. Eviscerated. Incinerated. Past Kell felt his heart drop. Twenty soldiers dead. For one woman. And he burned the picture with his heat vision and watched the flames dance as the drawing died.

And the scene began to fade.

"Kell, you were torn. Those were soldiers. That was an unarmed woman." Superboy

"I actually saved two people." Kell sadly said.

"She was pregnant." Superboy knew.

"She had a little girl." Kell said, sadly.

"That's why you went after her." Superboy said.

Then sadness turned to anger. "And then I swore I wouldn't get attached like that again! I stopped letting my emotions get a hold of me and I focused on getting the job done."

"Kell you can't let one bad experience ruin-

"Bad experience? BAD EXPERIENCE?! Do you have any idea how many people died because I was preoccupied with one woman?! Do you?!" Kell screamed.

"You did the right thing. If you hadn't tried to save her you would've aborted that little girl." Superboy explained.

"One little girl to make up for twenty others. One for twenty. Some bargain! Some Christmas!"

Superboy sighed.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help, Kell. Maybe the next guy will have better luck. Up, up, and away!" And he disappeared.

"Whoa, wait! Who's the-"

Kell stopped as soon as the ground gave way. He kept falling, and falling, until he hit the water so violently it shocked him into unconsciousness. And then he sunk, and sunk, and sunk…


	3. Superboy of Christmas Present

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion or a Christmas Carol.

* * *

11: 00

Kell coughed up seawater. A crab had just pinched his nose.

"Ow!" He yelled. And then, he heard giggling.

"Wha-?"

He looked up, and there were three Hawaiian beauties in grass skirts giggling, looking down at him. He saw up their skirts. He began to blush.

And a small bump in the sand rose up.

That caused them to giggle even more as they grabbed him, dusted off the sand and dried him off, before putting a wreath of poinsettias around his neck, and disappeared into the tropical forest beyond the beach.

"Wait a minute!" He yelled. Then he took in his surroundings. And then, music began to float through the air. That Christmas song by whats-his-name, Elfish. And a gorgeous spread of food, Christmas food, Hawaiian style, decorated by wooden menehunes and tiki idols.

Sand, palm trees, HULA GIRLS, tropical weather, HULA GIRLS, pineapple on everything, HULA GIRLS, ukulele music, HULA GIRLS, HULA GIRLS, tiki statues, HULA GIRLS, HULA GIRLS, and HULA GIRLS.

"I'm in Hawaii. Duh." And then his stomach growled. "And starving." He decided to feed the beast and reached for something on the table when this loud, horrible noise stopped him. It was like rabid dogs fighting one another as they were being thrown into a wood chipper.

"What the hell is that?!" He yelled.

He thought, and he realized it sounded familiar. From sleeping in a room next to Lightning Lad. It was snoring. He looked beyond the table, and there was someone laying in a beach chair, fast asleep, a copy of ETERNAL SUPERTEENS over their face as they made that horrible noise. Kell lifted the magazine up. He couldn't believe it. This guy, he looked like Superman too.

He had black hair, that curled like an S on his forehead. Shaved sideburns. A pair of those circle sunglasses hanging off, showing his eyes. The boy blinked.

"Sup?"

Kell jumped back. The boy on the chair in the Superman bathing shorts yawned. He got up and scratched his head.

"Who're you?" Kell asked.

"Name's Superboy."

"No you aren't. The last kid was Superboy."

"One Superboy." This Superboy corrected. "You can also call me Conner. Conner Kent. or Kon-El. Or the Ghost of Christmas Present."

Kell was about to eat something off the table, when Conner stopped him.

"No time flyboy. We're behind schedule. Up, Up-"

"Not again!"

"AND AWAY!"

And just like that, this Conner and Kell we're up in the sky. They zoomed past the tropical Hawaiian landscape. It went from blue to grey so fast Kell didn't know what happened as the blood rushed to his head. He shook off his delirium and it was replaced by cold. The snow was falling. It was noon. There were people walking the streets, saying happy greetings. Kell looked to his left. Conner was no longer in a bathing suit. He had on a variation of the Superman outfit, without the cape and a leather jacket. Kell looked down in surprise.

"It's New Metropolis." Kell said. "But when?"

"It's Christmas Day, stupid." Conner told him. "You see? All the people happy and cheerful?"

It was true. Usually people in the city acted so rude to one another, but this happiness, it was unnatural.

"Merry Christmas." One person said.

"Happy Holidays."

"Happy Christmas."

"Happy Hanukkah."

"Seasons Greetings."

"Why are they so happy?" Kell asked. Conner rolled his eyes.

"You ever hear about the season of goodwill?" Conner asked. "If people can stop acting like total jerks for just one day, doesn't that mean this holiday counts for something?"

"But what about the price? Don't these people know what it'll cost them?" Kell asked.

"COST THEM?!" Conner screamed. He then let go of Kell's hand and let him fall to the ground. Kell screamed all the way down until he fell in a snow bank. He got up and started to shiver, since he was still only wearing a tank-top and boxers. Conner landed in front of him.

"You always have to look on the dark side, don't you? Is one day of peace so stupid?" Conner asked.

"Yeah, peace, and then what happens the day after? You get to chummy with your enemies and then when you aren't looking they stab you in the back." Kell replied. "Some holiday."

"Does it mean anything to you that it proves that your enemies are still human, and that even they are capable of acting like sane, rational people instead the messed-up f&*k wads they are every day of the year?" Conner exasperated.

"No."

Conner rubbed the bridge between his eyes.

"Come on." Conner grabbed him again, and pulled him to their next destination. They disappeared in a flurry of white.

In an instant, they were inside again. Kell was glad to be warm again. Then he noticed something odd. Conner's costume had changed. No longer did he have the S-curl or the leather jacket. His hair was cut shorter and there was some stubble on his chin.

"When did you change?" Kell asked.

"Shh!" Conner motioned. "Watch."

Kell looked around. They were back in Legion HQ! The dining room. And everyone was sitting around for Christmas dinner. Another equally gorgeous spread. Although some of it looked rushed.

"Well maybe it wouldn't have been if someone had helped me!" Someone rasped.

Kell looked ahead. It was Timber Wolf, arguing with Nemesis Kid, who'd obviously just said something bad about the lupine legionnaire's cooking. Kell was amazed at how many Legionnaires were there.

Before the argument broke out, Tinya grabbed her beloved furball by the arm and forced him to sit down. She was sitting in-between her and Jo. The two decided to stop acting like jealous morons for Tinya as her gift. But decided to open a can of whoopass on the other after Kwanzaa.

There was Invisible Kid, Lyle, sitting with Jacques Foccart, Chemical King, Infectious Lass, and Jacques' little sister Danielle. Drura ruffled Danielle's hair and the little girl sneezed. It was like a squeak. Drura blushed for a minute before Jacques told her it was alright.

Brainy sat in between Andromeda, Laurel Gand, and Shrinking Violet. It looked like the two were trying to talk him out of whatever experiment he was working on at the table with Gear and sit down. Kinetix rolld her eyes. Rond did the same, wondering when his girlfriend was gonna give him some attention.

Gates was having yet another political argument Princess Projectra and Tyroc, this time about the exclusiveness of the holidays. Karate Kid rolled his eyes. Jeckie almost stopped for a moment. Did she see them? Probably not, as she went back to arguing.

Rainbow Girl was having an argument with herself, somewhat egged on by the other Subs who thought her annual one-woman Christmas show was funny. But poor Polar Boy was wishing the embarrassment would stop.

The Trips were cheering Bouncy on, and Nura was doing the same for Thom as the two went all head out for an eating contest. Thom was losing.

Dirk was making leering eyes at Shvaughn, Jan's date, and Catspaw was doing the same at Dirk.

Blok was a bit confused by the eating utensils, which caused some giggles out of Mysa as Dragonmage glared at Zyx for making the silverware fight one another, not knowing Quislet was helping out.

Tenzil was being spoon-fed, literally, by his two consorts, Calorie Queen and Saturn Queen.

Mon-El and Shadow Lass were feeding one another like lovebirds.

Wildfire was trying to sit closer to Dawnstar, but her wings were making that a little hard.

Tellus and Thunder for reminiscing about their old homes.

Theena kept her symbiote tuned to certain channels so Cham could watch his Christmas specials, which gave Abel and Ivy something to keep them busy. Theena sat next to Gazelle, the newest Legionnaire.

XS was running around the table at superspeed, trying to outrun Mara and her cousin Bart as Kent Shakespeare and Celeste laughed about it and Devlin O'Ryan tried to get to his deadline.

Even Gim and Yera were there, but were just visiting, since Chanukah fell on the same week as Christmas this year.

Magno was putting on a show with his abilities for Jazmin and Monstress.

And finally, Cos and Lydda were relaxing after last night without having to worry about his little brother Pol.

Suddenly, Garth and Imra walked in.

"GARTH! IMRA!" Everyone said like on Cheers.

"Hey has anyone seen-" Garth started.

"BIG BROTHER!"

Before Garth knew it, he just got glomped by his ten-year old twin Ayla. Mekt was behind them.

"Okay. Now that everyone's here. Let's eat!"

Dinner began. Everyone complimented Brin on his cooking, especially the large, frosted cake and the plum pudding he slaved to create.

"How long did it take you to bake that?" Lydda asked.

"All day." Brin said, exasperated and proud.

"My good little house puppy." Tinya cooed. Brin blushed.

"Chocolate." Ivy said, as she, Ayla, Able, Zyx, and Danielle exchanged smirks and went to get a fingerful of it before they were swatted away by a wayward spoon.

"Food no sneaking!" The spoon was possessed by Quislet.

"Where's Kell?" Imra asked.

"You know Mister Man of 41st Century." Garth joked. "Too good to come to Christmas dinner."

"What is his problem?" The Trips asked.

"You'd think the guy could loosen up enough for Christmas, but no. He didn't even buy us any gifts." Chuck added.

"And I bought him a Superman t-shirt and he didn't even open it." Vi moaned. "Or the gift Superman gave him."

"I even saved a seat for him." Cos added.

"I could've told you otherwise." Nura said, trying to ease Thom and his swollen and unmerciful gut.

"He is so pig-headed!" Tinya mouthed.

Kell felt himself getting madder and madder as they listed the reasons. While Conner smirked.

"And unnerving."

"Bossy."

"Arrogant."

"Rude."

"Cynical."

"Stingy."

"Wasteful."

"Brash."

"Egotistical."

"Violent."

"Smelly."

"Insensitive."

"Unintelligent."

"Pessimistic."

"Unrealistic."

"Nihilistic."

"Emo."

"Unable to pronounce simple words."

"Cheap."

"Mean."

"Heartless."

"We shouldn't talk about him like that." Imra said. Kell acted shocked. She was the only one who didn't say anything bad, except for Able and Ayla, but they didn't say anything really.

"Are you standing up for him?" Garth asked.

"Why not? How many times has he helped us?" Imra asked. "And he's never asked for anything in return."

"Exactly." Brainy said. "He doesn't ask for anything. He doesn't ask for help, he doesn't ask about battle plans, he doesn't ask our opinions before he does something."

"Some friends." Kell muttered.

"Wait for it." Conner told him.

"Give one good reason

"Because it's Christmas." She replied. Everyone fell silent, before Garth kissed her. Ayla made a gagging noise, and Mekt laughed at it.

"You're too good for your own good, you know that?" Garth asked.

"I guess." Imra blushed.

"But, when you're right, you're r-"

WHACK!

Garth stopped. Everyone gasped. A big glop of potatoes covered his cheek. His sister smirked as she held a spoon covered in mashed potatoes. He slowly raised his hand to his cheek and examined it. He looked at it like blood. Before he took a spoon of gravy and tossed it Ayla. She ducked and it hit Mekt. In retaliation, Mekt took a clump of yams and threw it at Garth. He missed, and it went at Nura, who ducked.

"Ha!"

Then she ducked from another hit. She laughed. It hit Thom in the face and he moaned.

"Is that all-"

WHACK!

"Okay that I didn't see coming." Gravy dripped from her white hair.

Bart high-fived his cousin.

"FOOOOD FIIIIGHT!" Garth screamed.

And within minutes, the teens were tossing food at one another. It was complete anarchy. Saturn Queen and Calorie Queen got in catfight as Tenzil watched in pleasure. Someone picked up the caked and hurled it.

"NO! NOT MY CAKE!" Brin cried. And within seconds, it hit him right in the face.

"HA!" Jo cried, before Tinya let out a battle cry and lunged at him with salted mashed potatoes and stuffing in each hand.

The Trips hid behind Bouncy and were using him as a human sheild, which he allowed so he could eat the incoming projectiles. They threw their stuff from behind him.

Jeckie and Val avoided the fight, and were making out under the table. As were Dirk and Catspaw. And Lyle and Chemical King.

Tellus, Blok, Gates, and Quislet were watching from the sidelines, wondering what was wrong with humans.

Kinetix was using her telekinesis to hurl food in all directions.

Ayla was on Mekt's shoulders, Abel was on Cham's, and Ivy was on Kent's as they hurled food at each other.

Lydda and Andromeda were using their boys as human bats.

Magno and Mon were shielding their loved ones.

Zyx was gorging on the plum pudding.

Mysa was the craziest of all, as she lunged in and made the food come to laugh and attack everyone.

Brainy just sat there scowling as Vi was playing around with his hair using green beans and mashed potatoes.

And Garth and Imra were still kissing in the madness.

Kell couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"So, what does this say to you?" Conner asked.

"That these people are bats&*t crazy."

Conner sighed.

"Come on."

He pulled him again, and they disappeared in white once again. They were in a dark field, near a lit-up farmhouse. The Kent Farmhouse. Conner had changed his outfit once again. Now, his black hair looked normal. He wore black jeans, and a black t-shirt with a red S.

"You remember that Clark invited you to dinner?" He asked. "Look what you're missing."

"More chaos?" Kell asked.

Conner sighed and dragged his face to the window.

There wasn't chaos. There was laughter. There was warmth.

Clark sat at the table with Ma and Pa Kent. Joining them was Lana Lang, Clark's old sweetheart. There was Pete Ross. And, there was also a girl with blonde hair. Clark's cousin, Kara. Supergirl. And, Lois Lane.

"Wonderful dinner as always Ma." Clark said. Ma beamed.

"It's too bad that friend of yours couldn't come." Pa said. "What was his name?"

"Kell."

"I don't know why you bothered to invite him." Kara said. "He sounds like a jerk."

"A little." Clark said. "But he's a good guy."

"If he was cloned from you I'll bet he is." Lois said.

"Still. Kinda sad that he doesn't have anyone." Pete mentioned.

"What about those parents of his? The robot ones you mentioned." Lois asked.

"I don't know. He doesn't talk about them that much." Clark said.

"Poor boy." Ma said.

"I wish he did come." Clark sighed.

"You can't save everyone, Clark." Ma said.

"I can try."

"My wonderful Superman." Lois kissed him on the cheek. Kara wanted to gag. "Always thinking of others."

Clark raised his glass.

"To Kell."

"To Kell!"

The scene started to fade.

"You see. You're friends were waiting for you."

"So they could call me names and belittle me." Kell said.

"Maybe if you took the stick out they wouldn't call you that. They saved you a seat. The Kents offered you a place at the table. People care. So what the hell is so bad about that?"

"Care? Yeah right. More like pity. I could sure use that. And I can also act like a wild monkey and through beets around too. If this is Christmas, then no thanks." Kell turned his back.

Conner shook his head.

"Well. I tried." Conner sighed. Kell gasped. Conner was now bruised, and bleeding. He was beaten terribly. He had a hand missing!

"I gotta go. Sorry Kell. Now it's the other guy's turn." Conner said.

Kell began to lose sight of him.

"I gotta warn you, though. The guy's a real douche." And he disappeared in the fog.

"W-wait! Who's the third guy?!" Kell screamed. The fog lifted. He was back on the beach. It was gray and dismal as snow fell. And washed on shore, was a grandfather clock.

12:00

Midnight.

Kell gulped.

The figure rose behind him. This wasn't over yet.


	4. Superboy of Christmas Future

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion of Super-Heroes or A Christmas Carol.

* * *

12:01

Kell looked at the looming figure, cloaked and shadowed over. His face obscured.

"Lemme guess. The Ghost of Christmas Future, right?" Kell asked.

He nodded.

"Well I hate to break it to you, but I read this story already. Didn't feel like ruining it for the other guys." Kell smugly told him. The Ghost didn't reply.

"So you're gonna show me that I'm dead and so is Tiny Tim and no one misses me." Kell scoffed. The Ghost didn't reply.

"So, hate to ruin your fun, but just let me go-"

The Ghost clamped his hand on Kell's mouth. Kell was shocked. The figure was so fast. And he had eyes. Red eyes.

FLASH

The Superman Museum. A dreary December day.

"I want it gone." A contractor said.

"All of it?" A worker asked.

"Every single piece of crap."

Kell watched in horror as workers were filing out of the Superman Museum. He couldn't cry out in protest, not to them or the Ghost. He still had his hand on his mouth. They were throwing out every bit of information on him! Statues, pictures, posters, busts, holos. All getting thrown out.

"Come on guys. Let it up."

Someone struck a match. It went up in flames. The workers cheered.

"We never have to hear about this psycho again." Someone happily said with glee as visions of flames danced in his eyes.

Psycho? What did they mean?

FLASH

"And dash away, dash away, dash away all!"

Kell looked around. They were in someone's room. A person was in bed, a woman was reading to him. Kell wanted to gasp. It was Vi! But she was older now. An adult. So much had changed.

Her hair was cut short, no longer a bob and no longer did she have a violet barrette in her hair. She wasn't pale. Her skin was a normal peach color. And she had a scar running down her right cheek like Garth's, only this scar looked as if it had been stitched up. She closed the book.

"Did you like that?" She asked the person in bed. He didn't respond. Kell couldn't see who it was. Was it him?

"I thought because of the holiday, you might like something to cheer you up." Vi hugged the book. "Simple, but I didn't want to overload your brain."

Someone a door opened.

"That'll be the kids." Vi said. "I gotta go. Love you."

Vi turned on the lights. Kell's eyes widened. In the bed was Brainy. Much older as well. His hair had grown longer. But there was something wrong. His eyes rolled up in the back of his head. He was staring into space. Drool was hanging from his lip. He laid so stiff, but breathing. No sound came out. He was hooked up to a machine.

He was brain dead.

Vi wiped the drool before she kissed him on the cheek. And left the bedroom. The Ghost dragged Kell through the wall, phasing through. They were in a living room decorated for Christmas.

"Hi."

"Hi Sunbeam." Vi said.

Kell looked on. Vi was hugging a woman with long, red hair. It was Ayla! She was so beautiful, he blushed. There were four kids with her. Two boys and two girls. Two sets of twins. Each with red hair. Were they Ayla's?

"Aunt Vi!" They cried in joy as they swarmed around Vi.

"Hey kids!" She said. "How was the service?" She asked.

"Okay, I guess." One boy said.

"Can we open presents now?" One of the girls asked.

"In a minute." Ayla told them.

"But Aunt Ayla!" The kids complained. Then, they heard a rustling.

"Hey, what's that?" Ayla lifted her ear. Then, Kell watched as something big and hairy, and utterly non-human, shambled into the room. Covered in fur, with no way to tell where the mouth was, and yellow eyes. It carried a sack on it's back.

"Why, it's the Christmas Furball!" Ayla exclaimed in mock surprise.

"FURBALL!" The kids swarmed around the thing in a group hug. It let out a noise of content as it licked some of them.

"Eeew! Furball!" The girls laughed.

"Now kids, give your aunts a few minutes alone. Go wash up, and then you can open your presents."

"Okay!" The agreed, and filed out.

"Graym. Garridan. Dacey. Doritt." Vi counted. "All there."

"They look so much like their parents. It's hard to tell if they resemble Garth or Imra more." Ayla said.

So these were Garth and Imra's kids? They married? Took long enough. But where were the parents?

"I really wish you would've come to the service, Vi." Ayla said.

"I wanted to, but I didn't want to leave Brainy alone." Vi apologized.

"It would've done you some good though. They said such nice things about them." Ayla explained. Furball nudged Ayla.

"I know you wanted to come too, Brin. Sorry."

What, that thing was Brin?! What the hell happened?!

"It's not just Brainy." Vi sighed as she sunk on the couch. "It's just, it's so hard to remember everyone. Garth, Imra, Tinya, Rokk, Lu, Chuck…" She listed.

"I know Vi." Ayla said. She sat beside her and held her hand. "You think it's any easier for me? Mekt in that asylum for life, and Garth…" Ayla trailed.

"He was a good man, Ayla." Vi comforted. Brin/Furball sighed in melancholy. "He went like a hero."

"Because of that bastard." Ayla said. She bit her lip. She was trying to hold it back. "They did nothing but show him kindness. And how did he repay them?" Her voice was shaking. Tears started to fall. "My brother was the last." Ayla started. "He didn't have to. But, without Imra, and the others, he… he just…" Ayla was pulled closer to Vi. She was crying to.

"I know, Sunbeam. God knows after all those surgeries I had. I know."

"And he made those children orphans. You know the girls don't even remember their parents? They were too young. I hope he's burning in Hell!" Ayla cursed. "I do!"

The two cried. And outside the room, so were the twins.

FLASH

They were outside an electronics store.

"And the Subs laid another raid on a Dark Circle facility. But now, The Legion: A Retrospective."

Cut to a newcaster standing in front of Legion HQ.

"Hi. I'm Trudy Trusoe, looking at a retrospective of the downfall of the Legion of Super-Heroes. What you see behind me was once the headquarters of the intergalactic super team called the Legion. About six years ago, on Christmas Day, the death of the Legion was brought by one of it's own members, Kell-El, Superman-X of the 41st Century."

No, Kell thought.

"As various psych reports prove, Kell-El suffered from massive egotism and a superiority complex, which actually masked a deep sense of loneliness and alienation. After supposedly being banished from the 41st Century for crimes too heinous to mention on Intergalactic TV, Kell-El launched a one-man war on crime throughout the universe, giving up Legion membership as he appeared to be suffering from some kind of withdrawl, brought on by years of what some call 'unfinished business.' Apparently, Kell's feelings of loneliness evolved into an insane dedication to completing his so-called purpose of getting the job done.

The Ghost dropped Kell in front of the store. Kell gasped for air and had to watch in horror.

"Kell started out alright, first single-handedly wiping out the Fatal Five, then lobotomizing Esper and Saturn Queen of the Legion of Super-Villains before wiping out the rest of their teammates. He then went after the Justice League of Earth, the League of Super-Assassins, Pulsar Stargrave, Roxxas the Butcher, the Dominion, Glorith, Mordru, and even low tier villains like Starfinger and the Devil's Dozen. But he didn't stop there. He went out to extract brutal justice on even the most common jaywalker, until it finally brought him back to blows with his old teammates. The first to go were the so-called heavy hitters, the Daxamites Mon-El and Andromeda, poisoned by lead and spines snapped in their moment of weakness. He then went after the Espionage Squad, the only surviving member being Shrinking Violet, or just Vi, who lost both an arm, leg, and eye, which had somewhat been replaced. After killing of three bodies of Triplicate Girl, former Legionnaire Chuck Taine flew a kamikaze attack to no avail. Then, to make sure their were no more surprise attacks, Kell-El targeted Brainiac 5, the very first human Coluan, and rather then kill him, lobotomized him and snapped his spine, turning him into a brain-dead quadriplegic. While some questioned why the Legion didn't see this coming, it turned out that he had first struck Dream Girl, her sister the White Witch, and her proteges Zyx and Dragonmage. One after another they fell, except for Brin Londo, a.k.a. Timber Wolf, who went M.I.A. trying to save Phantom Girl and wound up with an extreme dose of zuunium poisoning, the same chemical which helped turned him into the lupine hero he once was. It came down to the Legion 3, Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, Cosmic Boy, and Superman himself, along with his cousin Supergirl. The battle waged on for days in a desperate attempt to protect the planet. Cosmic Boy fell first, his magnetic powers reversed and crushed to death. It was all up to the remaining four, who pulled together to try and rewrite some of Kell's modified DNA, leaving him susceptible to the effects of gold kryptonite. But in a final attempt, Kell had murdered Saturn Girl by stabbing her with the needle that contained the super-virus that rewrote his DNA. Her husband lashed out and attempted to kill the Superman clone himself, only to be beating to death with the very gold kryptonite that used to rob his powers."

"No." Kell gasped. So much carnage. So much pain. And it was him. All him.

"Sentenced to life indefinetly, it was only last week that they carried out the death sentence and executed him on Labyrinth, the prison planet built to replace Takron-Galtos after Kell imploded the planet."

"Good riddance!"

"Piece of s&^t."

"Burn in hell!"

"Mommy, is it good that that man is dead?"

"It's very good, sweetie."

"Then I'm glad."

Tears streamed down his face.

FLASH

A graveyard. The snow whipped and howled.

DEDICATED TO THE PROUD MEN AND WOMEN OF THE LEGION

A statue of his fallen comrades. His friends.

"Look what I've done." He cried.

PHANTOM GIRL. COSMIC BOY. LIGHTNING LAD. ANDROMEDA. MON-EL. SATURN GIRL. COLOSSAL BOY. CHAMELEON BOY. CHAMELEON GIRL. ECHO. REFLECTO. STAR BOY. DREAM GIRL. WHITE WITCH. DRAGONMAGE. BLOK. QUISLET. NEMESIS KID. TELLUS. COMET QUEEN. NIGHT GIRL. POLAR BOY. SUN BOY. SUN EMPRESS. PRINCESS PROJECTRA. KARATE KID. KARATE KID II. GEAR. GATES. KINETIX. XS. CATSPAW. COMPUTO. KONO. THEENA. GAZELLE. COSMIC QUEEN. COMET KID. CRYSTAL QUEEN. COLOR KID. LUCK LASS. PULSE PRINCESS. THUNDER. TIME TURNER. KID QUANTUM II. KID QUANTUM III.

And there, behind him, was his grave.

KELL-EL. A TORTURED SOUL. MAY HE-

****

BURN IN HELL!!!!

The words had been scrawled in graffiti.

"Spirit. Please." Kell said. "Tell me this doesn't have to happen. Tell me, I don't have to do this. I, I'll change. I promise."

The Spirit didn't say anything. Kell groveled.

"Please! I'm beggin you! I don't want to do this to anyone! I care about them! I'm sorry! I-"

"Oh enough with your whining!" The Spirit screamed.

"Huh?" Kell said.

He gasped again as the Spirit grabbed him by the throat, and flew up through the atmosphere into space, overlooking the planet. The Spirit pulled off his cloak. He was another Superboy. But, he wore some sort of armor which was feeding yellow sunlight into him. His cape was ragged. His skin was white. His eyes were red. Completely red.

"I am so sick of listening to you bitch!" This Superboy said. "'Oh please! I don't wanna hurt my friends! I'm sorry I was so mean! I'll change!' You think I care?!"

"W-who are you? Are you another Superboy-"

"I AM SUPERMAN!" Superboy shouted. "I AM THE ONLY SUPERMAN! THE PRIME SUPERMAN!" He screamed. Kell had never been so scared.

"You. You and the rest of your loser friends are so stupid. You make me sick." Superman-Prime of Christmas Future spat in his face. Then smiled.

"But I've gotta thank you. I already killed that clone impostor you met before. And I already destroyed one of those stupid knockoffs of MY earth. And now, I get to do it again!" He laughed. "So don't worry, the last thought in your head will be knowing I took care of it for you. Talk about getting what you want for Christmas!" He laughed, and then he started to dive, dive through the atmosphere. Through the Earth. Through the core.

"I'm sorry!" Kell screamed.

"I'll change! I'll change! I'll change! I'LL CHANGE!!!"

And the Earth blew up.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS, DOUCHE BAG! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!"


	5. Christmas Day

Disclaimer: I do not own Legion or A Christmas Carol.

Thanks for reading

* * *

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"Okay, I get it!"

Huh? Kell looked up. He was back in his room, on his knees, clinging to someone. It was Lightning Lad.

"I just wanted to see if you wanted to open your gifts. But, whatever." Garth freed himself of Kell's grasp and started to leave the room. "Oh, and Merry Christmas by the way."

"Wait." He said to himself. "Merry Christmas?"

Outside Legion HQ, a boy was walking his dog in the snow, when he got the shock of his life when Kell just stuck his head out of the wall.

"You there, boy!"

"GAH!" The boy jumped into the snow.

"What day is it?" Kell called.

"I-it's Christmas Day." The boy said, his voice shaking.

"Then I haven't missed it!" Kell said in happiness. "I can fix everything!" And went back into HQ, the hole vacant.

"O… kay." The boy said.

…

"Did you wake up Kell?"

Everyone was in the lounge, near the tree and hoping to rip open their presents like rabid dogs.

"Yeah." Garth said, but I don't think he's-"

Kell ran through the wall with his arms spread out wide.

"FELIZ NAVIDAD!"

"Okay scratch that." Garth corrected. Before Kell gathered everyone in a spine-crushing group hug.

"Merry Christmas my wonderful, loving friends! Happy Holidays and Happy Canukkah."

"It's Chanukah." Gim corrected.

"Organs. Starting to. Expl-" Brainy choked out. Kell suddenly yelped and let everyone go, giving them the gift of air.

"I'm sorry Brainy! Are you okay? Is your spine intact?" Brainy just gave him an odd look. Imra felt his forehead.

"He doesn't have a fever." Imra said.

"Should I get the thermometer?" Garth asked.

"You two!" Kell laughed, and then gave them ANOTHER bone shattering hug.

"It's that kind of compassion that's gonna make you two such wonderful parents!"

"W-what?" Imra asked, choking.

"You and Garth and the kids Graym and Garridan and Dacey and sweet little Doritt."

"We're gonna get married?" Garth said with stars lighting up his eyes as he looked at Imra.

"My kids?!" Imra screamed.

"I ain't having no floozy in my family." Ayla waved her finger. "Uh-uh."

"Word." The other kids agreed.

"And Ayla! Sweet loving little Ayla!" Before she knew it, the little girl was in his grasp. "I hope you and Vi will always be happy together!"

"Santa?" Ayla said. "Can I, get a new lung for Christmas?"

"What'd he say about me?" Vi asked.

"Vi! Don't ever change."

Vi shrieked, and shrunk into the Christmas tree. Everyone stared in horror at Kell's newfound Christmas cheer.

"What the hell is he on?" Inferno asked.

"I don't know, but where can I get some?" Gazelle asked.

"Shh! He can hear you." Polar Boy whispered.

"Now, I'm sorry that I didn't do any shopping, and it was too late to really buy anything."

"Kell, you didn't have to-"

"So I bought you office supplies!"

Suddenly, he began tossing around paperclips, coffee mugs, pens. Tellus held out his hands, or flippers, or whatever, in confused expectation.

"Have a photo copier!"

And poor Ganglios get sent through the floor.

"Tellus! Are you still alive?" Chuck called into the hole.

"Yes. I'm still alive." Tellus thought out.

"Looking good people." Chuck gave a thumbs-up.

"Now, Brin…" Brin backed up in fear of a Christmas hug. "I can't stay for dinner, but I'd be happy to help out."

"HUH?" This earned a group Huh. Brin eyed him suspiciously.

"Are you serious?"

"Does Santa have rein-"

"You can help if you don't finish that sentence." Brin told him.

"Kay! Come on Furball!"

"Hey!" Tinya yelled, mad that he used her nickname without permission.

And Kell dragged Brin into the kitchen at light speed. Leaving everyone else alone.

"Can someone tell me what just happened?" Dream Girl asked.

"Looks like Kell got bit by the Christmas bug." Garth said.

"Yeah. In the butt." Ayla muttered.

…

The Kent Farmhouse.

DING-DONG.

"I'll get it!" Clark called. "Kara no more eggnog." He said to his cousin in the other room.

"Yes, can I-?" Clark stopped mid-sentence when he saw who it was.

"You mentioned something about dinner?"

There was Kell. On the porch. Wearing the gift Clark gave him. A set of clothes like the one Clark usually wore when he wasn't Superman.

"Of, of course!" Clark said in surprise. "Come on in!"

"God bless every one of us all!" Kell said.

"Almost got it." Clark said.

…

"You see guys?" Superboy asked. "We did the trick after all."

"Yeah, the guy may be a bonehead, but he's getting there." Conner said.

"Doesn't that just make you feel good?" Superboy asked.

"Go f*uk yourself." Prime said before he disappeared.

…

"I hope you all enjoyed that. But, if you'll excuse me, my husband's waiting. Christmas dinner you know. Happy Holidays."

****

GOD BLESS US, EVERY ONE


End file.
